Sometimes, it takes a friend to help us remove the rose-tinted glasses of love.
This week, we hear from a reader who was besotted with her new boyfriend, until her best friend did some digging and uncovered his wife and children. Ouch.
Broken-hearted, the reader is unsure what to do next and gets some much-needed advice.
Before you go read last week’s dilemma, where a reader shared that her husband wants sex several times a day – and it’s becoming a problem.
The problem…
I spent 10 happy months with a lovely guy before finding out that he’s not only married, he also has two kids. The news completely floored me, and I can’t seem to pick myself up.
I really thought I’d found Mr Right; we had the same sense of humour, similar interests, and were sexually compatible. On top of that he had a great job and appeared destined for success in the future.
My best friend kept telling me he seemed too good to be true, and so it turned out. She did a bit of digging, which ended up with his wife phoning and telling me it’s not the first time he‘s cheated on her. She was actually quite sympathetic towards me and said if she didn’t have two children, she would have left him long ago.
He always said his flat was boringly remote and mine was much nicer, but now I know why he never invited me home. I’m only 26 so still have time to meet someone else, but all my relationships seem to end in disaster. I really thought things would be different this time as to me, he seemed such a decent person.
I know I should be glad that I escaped from such a dishonest scumbag, but what kills me is that the world seems full of people like him, who pretend to be one thing when they’re really another.
Laura says…
I’m so sorry you got mixed up with this creep but remember how much time heals. It feels like you’ll never get over this heartbreak, but trust me, you will.
Right now, you’re going through a kind of grieving process. You’ve lost someone you loved, not because they died, but because they never really existed in the first place. People like him know exactly how to play the game; that same sense of humour or the interests you shared, were just him playing the part of the person you wanted him to be.
It’s only been a 10-month relationship and eventually you’ll move on. Just feel sorry for his poor wife; he regularly cheats on her, shows no responsibility towards his kids, and is unlikely ever to change. Thanks to your friend’s digging, you’ve had a lucky escape.
She was rightly suspicious, yet you fell for his stories without question. A guy can’t hide the fact that he’s married with kids, for a whole 10 months, without you having ignored some obvious signs. Maybe you’re so desperate for a committed relationship that you can’t see a red flag when it’s waved in front of you.
Looking too hard for Mr Right frequently leads you into the arms of Mr Wrong, so go for some counselling to help you unravel this problem. Work on your self-esteem, not just via therapy, but through work, social life, and even volunteering.
Learn to love yourself before you do anything else. The less emotionally needy you are, the more likely you are to find the right person.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk
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